Parenting Help 101: The Three Steps to Happiness

Help! My kids are running me ragged. What do I do?

The first step in obtaining parenting help is figuring out who is in charge of the household. Is it the parent or the children? Stop, it’s not as obvious as you think. Some parents would say they are in charge—but wait until little Johnny starts stomping his feet or adorable Susy won’t stop crying until she gets her way? How many parents give in?

I have jokingly said I have one parenting rule — check to see if the parent is happy or if the kids are happy. If the kids are too happy there is something seriously out of order. It’s my measuring tape. Parents unhappy — the children are running out-of-control— then it’s time to get back in control. That does not mean being angry, upset, or mean. In control is a calm centered place where you calmly and loving stay in charge. Children in the long run do much better when they have a parent instead of a friend. Children need to feel the security that their parents are in charge.

The next step to get parenting help is to have clear, consistent rules. Children are amazingly adaptable and can get used to about anything as long as it is consistent. So if the rule is no eating in the living room, every time you see the child eating in the living room, they get sent out and told that behavior is not acceptable in the house. If the rule is no hitting the sibling, it doesn’t matter if you are on an important phone call or in public, you see that behavior and they get the consequence for that behavior every time.

The last vital step in parenting help is to individualize your parenting style to your children’s personality. Really take the time to understand how your child works. When they do something wrong, is a raised eyebrow enough to get them to feel reproof with no further correction need? Or are they the type in order to be heard you need get their attention with a stronger consequence? What does your child need in order to feel secure? What is the best way to motivate them? Each child requires an individualized parenting plan so that they can thrive.

There is no need for your children to be running you ragged. Remember these three basic steps to parenting help:

1) be in charge
2) be consistent
3) individualize your approach in accordance to the each child’s particular need

If you need any more parenting help tips, please contact Lisa J. Peck.