When a divorce occurs, there is a restructuring of the power in a family. In many instances, children will be given extra responsibility simply because a single parent cannot accomplish all the ordinary tasks alone. In other instances, one parent will attempt to take away any power or influence his or her ex-spouse has on the children. This parent will tell the children that they don’t have to obey their other parent, or the parent will undermine any authority the other parent tries to use in discipline. Even if this doesn’t happen, there’s the challenge of a new person coming into the family. Everyone has to figure out and accept the role of this new person. The struggle, power, and reconstruction of the operation of the family can lead to many conflicts.

Commandment 1: Give the Child Personal Space Children need to form their own identity. If you bring a child into a stepparent’s home make sure your child has a place to go to be alone (personal space). If this place cannot be found in your new living arrangements then discuss this with the child.

Commandment 2: Be Yourself Adults need to be themselves around their new stepchildren. It is easy to get caught up in winning over their hearts. The best policy is to be authentic from the beginning. Children are good at determining who is being real with them.

#7. Self-worth comes when a person is able to detach and let go of the pain from their past. It requires them to learn more about their emotions. They learn they can heal even if the other person never says, “I’m sorry.” #8. Self-worth comes from doing things people enjoy. It is necessary to fill the bucket. If a person is always giving, they will eventually get burned out. It is important to do something for self. #9. Self-worth comes when a person learns that others cannot give them their worth. They have it within themselves. As children, people learn to place value upon themselves when others (parents) give it to them. If that didn’t occur, they seek it from friends or others. If people don’t get it there, they either give up or keep their relationships at a distance. Only when they learn that they are of worth and that others cannot give it to them do they realize that they have had the feeling of worth within themselves the whole time.

#10. Self-worth increases when a person gets rid of their demons from the past. They can try and ignore them and hide them, but until they deal with the hurts and pains of the past, they are likely to have chinks in their self-worth armor. They need to deal with beliefs from their past. (Excerpt from Stop Marrying Mistakes: Using Principles to Claim A Healthy Relationship) Are there anything else that you have considered helpful?