Posts Tagged ‘remarriage’
Monday, March 15th, 2010
Many think that people who have been divorced should be good at choosing a mate. After all, if you have been divorced, you should have a clear idea of what you do and don’t want in a spouse, right? Wrong! In many instances, divorced people are prone to poor mate selection. Why? There are many reasons:
a. Loneliness
b. Hurried marriage c. Incompatibility d. Mental instability (self, other person, or both) e. Too many unresolved issues from a previous marriage f. Lack of self-esteem g. Feeling as though they need a parent for their kids h. Financial troubles i. A need for the societal acceptance of being married j. Fear of being alone k. Fear of getting to know themselves
This list looks slightly out of alignment, consider using the outline function to create flush edges.
Tags: divorce, poor choices, poor mate selection, remarriage, successful remarriage
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Monday, February 15th, 2010
Commandment 9: Be Patient Do not expect an instant bond. Initially, you may experience growing pains when you bring two families together. It takes time to establish boundaries, rules, and roles. Realize that there will be times when you’ll be highly frustrated. In most situations, if you are t and continue to make adaptations, the children will respond favorably. They will realize this marriage is for real. If you are consistent and continue to make adaptations, the children will respond favorably.
Commandment 10: Maintain Appropriate Marital Boundaries In every remarriage situation, it’s critical that the two partners maintain their personal boundaries. As you create new interactions it’s easy to fall back into old patterns. You may find yourself sharing information and frustrations with your children. They may form ideas or beliefs that can hurt your new marriage. Make sure that you maintain healthy boundaries between you, your new partner and your children.
Tags: blending families, children of divorce, divorce, healthy relationships, parenting, remarriage, stop marrying mistakes, thriving after divorce
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Monday, February 1st, 2010
Common Behavior 3: Your divorce will likely make your child skeptical of relationships. In younger children this may not appear until late in their teenage years. However, if your divorce occurred during the teen years or early adulthood, there is a high possibility that your child may struggle with interpersonal relationships. The challenge you face will be to model a healthy relationship in subsequent relationships. One of the best ways to help children, no matter what their age, is by showing them what a positive relationship looks like. Either create one yourself, or find a loving couple that you believe to be a healthy example and arrange to have your children around them often. I read that children do better if they have support from three different places. I decided that I would actively go out and seek this. I adopted grandparents for my children. In addition, I had the church group get involved. I also set my children up with adult teachers who taught them music, sewing, or basketball and who also taught my children that they were worthwhile individuals. I discussed with these adults my goal of creating a support system for my children and helping to show them how healthy relationships work. Many were willing to help. The additional mentoring not only blessed the lives of my children but also blessed the lives of the people who helped. We have many tender stories to attest to that. Children who get support and love from others in the community will adapt better.
Common Behavior 4: Your child may turn to others for comfort. Often children turn to friends for support during their parents’ divorce. When children do this, it can be challenging to get them to reconnect with you. It’s common during the teen years to turn to friends. However, what many people ignore is the fact that most teens still desire contact with their parents, even if they don’t show it. They want to connect, but don’t know how. Their emotions are raw. If you see your child turning away from you and toward others, remember that, deep inside, they still want to be close to you.
Tags: attitude, behavior, blending families, children of divorce, divorce, happiness, healthy relationships, relationships, remarriage, self-esteem, self-worth, stop marrying mistakes, thriving after divorce
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Monday, January 25th, 2010
Commandment 7: Do Not Expect Instant Love Children are slower to trust after a divorce. Most researchers suggest that a stepparent’s initial role with the child should be as a friend. As trust and acceptance is gained, the role of the stepparent can change. The biological parent should handle most of the discipline.
Commandment 8: Do Not Take All the Responsibility As the stepparent, you can easily get caught up trying to fix everything. Remember, your stepchild is still dealing with a destroyed marriage. They may not want to develop a relationship with you—at least not at the moment. Let the child do some of the work to maintain the relationship. Be consistent and loving and allow the child to engage in the relationship.
Tags: blending families, children of divorce, relationships, remarriage, step parenting, thriving after divorce
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Monday, January 18th, 2010
Commandment 5: Expect Ambivalence Some children feel like they’re betraying their biological parent if they treat a stepparent well. However, they also realize that one of their parents chose to marry you. As a result, the child may feel torn between both parents. If you expect this to happen, it will be easier to prevent yourself from getting too defensive when your stepchild gives you the cold shoulder, doesn’t respond to your advice, or criticizes you.
Commandment 6: Avoid Mealtime Misery Common rituals can be a torment to your child. They are used to having both of their biological parents together. When a stepparent is introduced and it is mealtime, the child has a stark reminder of just how much their life has changed. The same holds true for other common rituals such as birthdays, Sunday observance, and holidays. The challenge all new families face is creating new rituals that the child can learn to enjoy. Having the child involved in new traditions can help build the bridge.
Tags: divorce, joining families, remarriage, step children, step kids, step parenting
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Monday, January 18th, 2010
In most circumstances, divorce lowers a person’s mental health. Depression and anxiety are often associated. Due to divorce, some individuals become so angry that they cannot let go of the pain their ex-spouse caused them. This places a lot of pressure on the human mind. The mind becomes agitated. Unfortunately, the brain can lock onto the anger, fear, or anxiety and can become addicted to the chemicals released into the system every time a negative memory or image runs through their thoughts. If this pattern remains uninterrupted, the body can form a physical addiction to anger, fear, and/or anxiety. There are also people who become so anxious about relationship failure that they sabotage new relationships. Anxiety and fear make them incapable of letting others into their life. These individuals may have relationships, but they never deepen because they don’t dare let someone fully know them. It’s as though they have a tight grip on a cat that is trying to twist free of the stranglehold. In the case of people, the more the other person tries to be free, the tighter the grip becomes. Eventually the cat or person will flee. This only adds fuel to the fire of the already anxiety-ridden person, reinforcing the belief that everyone will leave them.
Tags: divorce, mental health, remarriage, successful marriage
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Monday, January 11th, 2010
Commandment 3: Set Limits and Enforce Them It is very important for two parents to establish the family ground rules early in the new relationship. In fact, it’s wise for couples to discuss these boundaries before the marriage occurs. As rules and consequences are discussed and followed, it becomes easier for parents and children to respond when something goes wrong.
Commandment 4: Allow the Children an Outlet for Feelings for the Biological Parent Your stepchildren will always have feelings for their biological parent. To become jealous or undermine that interaction will only hurt your relationship and increase their feelings of loyalty to their natural parent. Encourage these feelings for the biological parent. Ask your new spouse to encourage the children to have respect for you.
Tags: divorce, joining families, remarriage, step children, step kids, step parenting
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Monday, January 4th, 2010
Commandment 1: Give the Child Personal Space Children need to form their own identity. If you bring a child into a stepparent’s home make sure your child has a place to go to be alone (personal space). If this place cannot be found in your new living arrangements then discuss this with the child.
Commandment 2: Be Yourself Adults need to be themselves around their new stepchildren. It is easy to get caught up in winning over their hearts. The best policy is to be authentic from the beginning. Children are good at determining who is being real with them.
Tags: children of divorce, marriage, remarriage, step parenting, stepparents
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Monday, December 14th, 2009
Children are the number one reason why remarriages don’t last. Children often sabotage their parent’s new marriage. Children have many reasons for doing this. Here is a partial list: a. Dislike for the new stepparent. b. Erosion of hope that their natural parents will get back together. c. Realization that there is power in pitting one parent against the other. d. Jealousy of the new stepparent. e. Dislike of being parented by a stranger. d. Need for attention. Fights over how to parent the children can lead to many embittered feelings. Couples encounter problems when the physical parent won’t allow discipline to occur at all, or when stepparents insist on taking on the parenting role too soon. Other potentially hostile problems can occur when there is a blending of two sets of children. Favoritism can have a caustic underlying effect on the whole family structure.
Tags: children after divorce, children of divorce, divorce, remarriage, successful remarriage
Posted in Divorce Recovery, remarriage | 3 Comments »
Saturday, November 7th, 2009
When you hear the word intimacy, do you automatically think of sex? Or do you define intimacy in relationships another way? Couples experience various types of intimacy in their relationships. Below is a list, with definitions, of different types of intimacy. Intimacy 1: Physical This is easily the most recognizable form of intimacy. Western media focuses almost exclusively on physical intimacy in relationships. Seldom are we shown how couples develop other types. Physical intimacy is definitely important; however, it is only one aspect of intimacy.
Dr. Skinner explains: When couples come to my office with relationship problems, they will frequently say, “We don’t have much in common.” Many times these couples start their relationship with a lot of physical intimacy. The beginning of their relationship is exciting and fun, but they haven’t taken the time to develop intimacy in other areas. Eventually, they sometimes realize that they cannot find common ground.
Tags: blending families, children of divorce, divorce, healthy relationships, relationships, remarriage, stop marrying mistakes, thriving after divorce
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Many think that people who have been divorced should be good at choosing a mate. After all, if you have been divorced, you should have a clear idea of what you do and don’t want in a spouse, right? Wrong! In many instances, divorced people are prone to poor mate selection. Why? There are many reasons: 
