Common Behavior 3: Your divorce will likely make your child skeptical of relationships. In younger children this may not appear until late in their teenage years. However, if your divorce occurred during the teen years or early adulthood, there is a high possibility that your child may struggle with interpersonal relationships. The challenge you face will be to model a healthy relationship in subsequent relationships. One of the best ways to help children, no matter what their age, is by showing them what a positive relationship looks like. Either create one yourself, or find a loving couple that you believe to be a healthy example and arrange to have your children around them often. I read that children do better if they have support from three different places. I decided that I would actively go out and seek this. I adopted grandparents for my children. In addition, I had the church group get involved. I also set my children up with adult teachers who taught them music, sewing, or basketball and who also taught my children that they were worthwhile individuals. I discussed with these adults my goal of creating a support system for my children and helping to show them how healthy relationships work. Many were willing to help. The additional mentoring not only blessed the lives of my children but also blessed the lives of the people who helped. We have many tender stories to attest to that. Children who get support and love from others in the community will adapt better.

Common Behavior 4: Your child may turn to others for comfort. Often children turn to friends for support during their parents’ divorce. When children do this, it can be challenging to get them to reconnect with you. It’s common during the teen years to turn to friends. However, what many people ignore is the fact that most teens still desire contact with their parents, even if they don’t show it. They want to connect, but don’t know how. Their emotions are raw. If you see your child turning away from you and toward others, remember that, deep inside, they still want to be close to you.

#2. Self-worth increases when a person is helping others.

#3. Self-worth comes when a person learns to be emotionally true and honest. They stop allowing others to hurt them. In other words, they take control of their life. It is valuing of self to not rely on others to feel valued.

#4. Self-worth increases when a person is in an environment that doesn’t bring them down. No matter how good a person is they need positive feedback. If they cannot find that in their current environment, they need to seek places of refuge. They need to find someone who values them and who they can value.

#5. Self-worth comes from creating relationships, being pro-active and involved with others. This increases people’s ability to realize that they are of worth.   (Excerpt from Stop Marrying Mistakes: Using Principles to Claim  A Healthy Relationship)

There are more to the list which I will post later, but I would love to hear what others think is important to add to the list.  I am sure that I missed some.

#7. Self-worth comes when a person is able to detach and let go of the pain from their past. It requires them to learn more about their emotions. They learn they can heal even if the other person never says, “I’m sorry.” #8. Self-worth comes from doing things people enjoy. It is necessary to fill the bucket. If a person is always giving, they will eventually get burned out. It is important to do something for self. #9. Self-worth comes when a person learns that others cannot give them their worth. They have it within themselves. As children, people learn to place value upon themselves when others (parents) give it to them. If that didn’t occur, they seek it from friends or others. If people don’t get it there, they either give up or keep their relationships at a distance. Only when they learn that they are of worth and that others cannot give it to them do they realize that they have had the feeling of worth within themselves the whole time.

#10. Self-worth increases when a person gets rid of their demons from the past. They can try and ignore them and hide them, but until they deal with the hurts and pains of the past, they are likely to have chinks in their self-worth armor. They need to deal with beliefs from their past. (Excerpt from Stop Marrying Mistakes: Using Principles to Claim A Healthy Relationship) Are there anything else that you have considered helpful?